I had a friend call me last night and tell me he doesn’t know where he is going in life and doesn’t know how he got to where he is.
I had to step back for a second and really think.
He has two kids, works in the mortgage business, is going through his second divorce and loves to drink every night.
We have been friends for over 30 years, even though we have taken completely different paths, we are still close friends.
Growing up together in a small town I have stayed close to my childhood friends. I have never forgotten where I came from, it keeps me grateful, honest and on purpose.
It also allows me to stay humble and not judge someone and where they are at on their journey.
I could tell that my friend was really lost and confused and I understood.
I have been there before… just going through life as a human doing, not a human being.
Reacting to the world and not stopping to ever ask why am I feeling the way I’m feeling or making the choices I am making?
To find the clarity we need to ask questions.
We can go through life doing a lot of stuff. But is the stuff we are doing really what we want to do?
If we just do things for the sake of doing them and never ask why we are just going through the motions and just following the crowd with no purpose?
Or are we being pushed around doing what people want us to do and people-pleasing?
Either way, we will be left empty because we have no real-time awareness of why we are doing what we are doing.
I asked my friend was he happy with his career? He said, he hated it. I asked him why he chose it and he said he didn’t have a clue.
He is not alone, statistics show that 51% of people hate their jobs.
And only 17% of people are happy in their personal relationships and marriages. No real surprise there, we all know that divorce rates are through the roof. So, I asked my friend why he got divorced twice.
His response was that he didn’t even know why he even got married twice.
I am no saint. I have been divorced and I can honestly say that I was out of my mind.
I was drinking non-stop, over-working, using drugs and I had superficial goals to please myself and try to and prove my haters wrong.
We were two completely different people and never should have gotten married.
Being married now… I am sober, have goals, plans, structure, communication and I work on being present because deep down I know I am a selfish maniac.
Now, I ask for help when I don’t know something. I meditate to stay mindful and present, I read a minimum of one book a week and my marriage is awesome and life is amazing, no matter what cards I’m dealt with.
I’m constantly aware of the madness that lives inside my mind and has to check in with my sober friends and mentors to stay in the point.
I told my friend I had been where he is and the good news is he can help himself if he really wanted to.
He said, “Tell me what to do?”
This is what I suggested:
Step 1. Start working out. He is 50 pounds over-weight.
Step 2. Start a basic diet plan.
Step 3. Read the right books and I gave him a list.
Step 4. Stop drinking. He drinks a 6 pack of beer every day.
Step 5. Set some daily, weekly, monthly goals.
Step 6. Find a hobby
Step 7. Join a group with like-minded, positive people. There are a lot of non-AA groups where you can share.
Step 8. Find a purpose.
I thought the list was made up of pretty simple stuff. His response was, “Are you serious, can’t I just take a pill?”
“I don’t have time to exercise, go to groups and read.”
This is a guy who only works 20 hours a week from home. I am not making this stuff up. I was dumbfounded.
I didn’t try and make any more suggestions.
It’s not our job to change people in life. It’s our job to change ourselves.
We need to be aware in real-time, be of service and be honest, loving and compassionate
Show up, don’t make excuses and shut up no matter how we feel.
Lead and inspire by our actions.
Walk the talk and be a Conscious OutLaw.