MOTIVATION

META PROGRAMS AND HOW WE MAKE EMPOWERING & DISEMPOWERING CHOICES.

Big picture goal vs detail is specific.

Big picture people focus on Vision, Purpose & Mission. Detailed people focus on the Plan. Understanding both is important. We must have macro goals – a why. But creating a plan is important – the how. If someone wants the big picture doesn’t go into too much detail. And if someone wants details don’t gloss over information.

Matcher vs mismatcher, same vs difference, agree vs disagree, negative vs positive.

Some people look for things that relate, others look for differences. A matcher is easy to build rapport with. Someone who mismatches will make us work. Listening to how a pessimistic glass-half-full person operates will give us information to match. Pace, then lead.

Visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory and gustatory.

We all sort and are motivated differently through our senses. Listen for clues. I see what you’re talking about (Visual). I hear you (Auditory). I feel like I need a change (Kinesthetic). Olfactory and Gustatory are not as common.

Uptime vs downtime, intellect vs gut feeling.

People that make decisions by looking at sensory information are known as uptime. People who followed their guts and known as downtime.

Sensors vs intuition.

Black, white vs grey.

Black and white people don’t look at the grey which can be positive & negative. If we have strong values & rules and live by a code, that’s empowering. Being black & white is useful. When it keeps us locked in distorted thinking and fixed, it can be disempowering if someone has an all or nothing, black and white fixed mindset. We have to be flexible to find a way to match and mirror. Always starting with modalities helps the matching process.

Permeable vs impermeable.

Permeable people are easily influenced. Impermeable aren’t flexible. Depending on our values and rules it’s good to have a balance of both. Again like black and white, all or nothing thinking, listening for modalities will give us a way into matching.

Screeners vs non-screeners, focus vs distracted people.

People that screen stays focused. Non-screeners, on the other hand, are easily distracted. If we are talking to someone and they are looking at us in the eyes and focusing on us, they are a screener. Someone who is distracted and seems busy is a non-screener.

Why origin vs how solutions. Having a why is important.

Being stuck in why something has happened to us can be disempowering. Have a why. Understand why then move to the how. How can I learn from this situation? How can I grow from this experience? People that stay in the why me, become victims. People that understand the why and move to how to become solution-driven. If someone is stuck ruminating over a past bad experience, it’s important to understand then show them possibilities.

Best case vs worst case. Optimism vs pessimism.

Some people look at opportunities to grow. Others look at what could go wrong. Worst case people need security. Best case half full people look for growth and possibilities. Entrepreneur vs a manager.

Summary

In building rapport with others, we must understand we all sort things differently. If we listen to people we can usually understand how they sort information and then look to mirror and match. In order to pace and lead, some people think the big picture, others want details. Some people look for similarities, other differences. One person might sort visually, another might be motivated to feel or has to hear the details. Stepping back and listening to how someone explains their experiences in life allows us to match and build rapport.

UNDER STRESS

Passive, aggressive, assertive

We all react differently under times of stress. Some of us become passive (freeze or flee). Some of us become aggressive (fight). Some of us are assertive. We stand our ground. It’s important to become assertive and not live at either end. Being to Passive or Aggressive for a long time can affect the choices we make. It can also affect our health & happiness. We have to look at what a person needs and wants in life. Once we establish common ground, we can build rapport.

Internal self-relevant vs external other relevant.

This sorting process connects with multiple others. From self to other, associating to dissociating. Intuition going with our guts to sensing and looking at information. It’s good to look at both ends and make decisions. If someone goes with their gut feeling, we will hear them say things like – I feel what you’re saying or that feels good to me. Or I’m not feeling it. External people will ask to see more information, then make a decision.

Association feeling, dissociation thinking

With association, we think and process data by experiencing the full emotional impact. When dissociating we look at facts and step outside the picture. If someone is stuck in past trauma show them facts to get them unstuck. When dealing with clients we can hear if someone is looking to prove or goes with a feeling to make a change or improve their lives.

Active, reflective, inactive

We are all different under stress and when faced with adversity. Are you active and jump straight into a problem? Inactive where you just freeze and feel stuck? Or reflect and look at everything and think and feel about what has happened and then proceed? Active people are towards the big picture. Reflective people like to sit with information and ask a lot of questions. Inactive people do neither.

Unidirectional, multidirectional.

Multidirectional people have one bad experience and it affects multiple areas of their life. Bad day at work they will bring it home. Unidirectional people don’t let their emotions bleed over. Bad day at work doesn’t mean they carry that stress at home or on the road in traffic. You can hear if someone is unidirectional or multidirectional. One bad experience will affect a multidirectional person and how they plan for the future. They have global beliefs and need to be led slower. They will mismatch and always bring up the past and worst-case scenarios. With a unidirectional person, they will be open to what we have to say, no matter what the past experience is.

Desurgency vs surgency

People who desire surgency look for action, take risks and make good leaders. If we are detergent, we look for safety and security. People who look for the surgency, look for growth. They are forward motivated.

Summary

Depending on the context it’s important to look at both ends of the scale. When building rapport, we have to listen to how a person expresses emotions before we can match. We all have basic needs and wants. Listen for subtle clues that drive and motivate before making assumptions.

MAKING ASSUMPTIONS

Towards vs away. Past assurances vs future possibilities

Some people move toward desired values, others away from undesired values. It’s important to have towards and away goals and values. We can ask someone what they want in life to see if they are looking for future possibilities or trying to avoid problems. Some people want incentives, others want security. Offering an incentive to someone who wants security will not build rapport.

Options vs procedure

Options people look for possibilities like towards motivated people. Procedure people look for structure – why and how can this benefit me.

Judgment controlling vs perceived floating

Judges don’t go with the flow. They set up tasks, plans, and deadlines. They like to be in control. Perceivers, on the other hand, are more flexible and can be easily persuaded.

Necessary stick vs possible carrot

Some people feel they need to do things that limits the way they think. Why did you choose this job? If they don’t have a reason they come from necessity. Necessity people use words like must, have and should. Possibility words indicate can, will, would, could. People that think they must do things are more pessimistic. You must do this, you must do that. Listen to how someone is sorting information and match their style. Then slowly pace and lead to present different opportunities.

Example. I can’t get help. Why can’t you get help? I can’t afford it. Ok, let’s look at how we can adjust your spending? I can’t change, it’s just the way I am. Conversations like this happen all the time. We have to step back and do the slight matching to find a way in. I agree it’s hard to make changes but let’s look at some options. Is that ok? Why do you think you can’t change? Have you tried to change before? We can’t change people, just present different options.

We all have different drivers

Some of us sort through people, other places and other things. Some of us like activities and information. Once again, what is the environment in which you would flourish? If you were to go on holiday would your primary interest be in the people that were there, the places that you go to, the things that are there, the activities that you can engage in or the information that you can learn? Let’s say we were discussing a topic on health, medicine, politics or religion. Would your primary interest be in the person who is delivering the information or the information itself? Those who have “the person” as the higher frame will ‘attack’ the person while those who have “information” as the higher frame will ‘attack’ the information. One judges the person, the other judges the information. One judges the person, the other judges the behavior. We see this meta program played out in politics every day. Is your primary interest more in People, Places, Things, Activities or Information?

Cost, time, quality, convenience

When purchasing something or making a decision to purchase something, we typically sort four different ways: cost, time, quality or convenience. What are you primarily concerned about time, cost, quality or convenience when considering a purchase? Listen to how a person values what they value in one of these areas. If someone wants quality and convenience over cost, it’s pointless telling them how much money they are going to save in the future. Giving someone examples of how about the quality of an item and the convenience will help you match. Likewise, if someone is concerned about price, we can’t focus on quality. To this person, price is more important than quality -cheaper or more expensive.

MANAGEMENT & WORKING WITH A TEAM

Extrovert vs introvert: Extrovert likes to be around others. Introverts like to spend more time alone away from people. Ambivert people like a balance of both. When you want some mental rejuvenation do you turn towards others for support? Or do you turn your intention inwards?

Independent, team player, manager, bureaucrat or follower?

Past/Present/Future Focused

Do you have a preference for referencing the past, the future, or the present moment? In general, perceivers are more present-oriented. Sensors and judgers are more past to present-oriented. Intuitors are more focused on the future.

In time people can stay in the moment but sometimes lose track of time. Artists and creative people can work on a project for days and lose track of time. Through time people on the other handset up schedules and deadlines to get done. They constantly work on future plans and setting goals.

Are you a past/present / future-focused person?
Are you In-time / Through-Time?

WORK PREFERENCE FILTER: PEOPLE/SYSTEMS/THINGS.

What is the environment in which you would flourish? Do you prefer working with people, systems or things?

In general, an Introvert will prefer working with systems and things, and an Extrovert will prefer working with people. Therapists who work one-on-one with a client will most likely be typed as an Introvert. In general, Extroverts derive more energy and subsequently greater job satisfaction from working with many people rather than an individual.

Introverts will manage a team differently to an Extrovert. As you think about this, you have to keep in mind how the other meta programs combine to form personality type and behavior. An introverted team leader will probably have their attention more on the structure of the team and how it works as a system to get a result. If a team member does not come up to standard in supporting the team to achieve the desired result, then they may be replaced.

Whereas an extroverted team leader may have their attention more on the person. If the team is not performing to the required standard then the members may be supported to develop the necessary skills to achieve the outcome, or the outcome may be changed.

Do you prefer working with People, Systems or Things?

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Building Rapport – Mirroring and Matching

Motivation & Building Rapport