Have you ever seen a couple, sitting at a restaurant or café – sharing a meal or a coffee… looking deeply into each other’s eyes, laughing, smiling and matching body language?
It’s usually pretty obvious to see and a clear indicator that they are in rapport.
The opposite is also true if the couple begins to argue, or one is paying attention to their phone, their body language is usually mismatched, right down to the feet.
Having an understanding of this, a person can match and mirror another person’s physiology to quickly create rapport.
To be clear, matching and mirroring is NOT mimicking or copying (which is going to have the opposite effect of falling out of rapport). Matching and mirroring are natural and subtle where mimicking is obvious and unnatural.
Some of the things we can match and mirror on the outside are:
Physiology
- Body language (legs, head tilt, hands, arms, torso)
- Posture (upright or slumped, leaning one way or another)
- Gestures (referred to as semantic space – how do you gesture tomorrow for example)
- Breathing rate
- Voice (tone, pitch, volume, speed)
Language
- Visual – “Looks good”
Auditory – “Sounds good”
Auditory Digital – “Makes sense”
- Kinaesthetic – “Feels right”
- Olfactory/Gustatory – “Smells delicious”
- Matching and mirroring a person’s keywords for what is important to them, loaded with meaning.
Matching and Mirroring The Inside
Have you ever had the experience of being deeply understood by another person who seems to be on the same page”? My guess is that if you have, then there is a tendency to like that person because they seem to understand you, unlike other people.
flow about the oppo – where the other person just does not see, hear or understand where you’re coming from? You ing to connect and relate but one person is so detailed in their explanation and the other is not. One has a belief that the other person completely disagrees with and will fight to defend it.
A skilled and subtle way of creating rapport quickly is to match and mirror a person’s interior – I which is expressed on the exterior.
Having an understanding of this, some of them can match and mirror (but not necessarily buying into them) on the inside are:
Values
Politeness
- Honesty
Respect
Belief structures
To be able to hear a belief structure that a person about something
Habituated Thinking Patterns
- Global or detail
Optimistic or Pessimistic
Pacing and Leading
Building rapport is about pacing another person’s reality so that they get the sense that you are with them, wherever they are in the world. If you’re able to hold this space for another person where they get the experience they are with someone who truly understands them then you have a depth of rapport. From open, connective space you can facilitate real change.
Before doing that, you can test if cycle rapport. Matching and mirroring the other son and then mismatching them and we follow. Some examples are:
Taking a step back to see if they take a step forward
Crossing or uncrossing your legs
Picking up your glass and taking a sip
If they follow you and begin matching and mirroring you, then you know you’re in rapport